Only God knows what this blog will be about but I’ve been putting of starting one for years and still till this day I hear this little voice saying ‘start a blog you have something to give’ what that is I’m not sure of yet. One thing I know is that I love helping and advising people; thats probably why I ended up becoming a personal trainer.
I am far from perfect and still learning as I live, I have problems just like everyone else but its time for me to let my guard down to hopefully help someone else conquer the battles they may be facing. I also think its going to help me finally let go and continue to heal.
So for now I’m going to be writing short blogs on whatever comes to mind based around physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing and God willing I can help someone out there with my words.
Lots of love, hugs and peace Sarah
I am a Personal Trainer and yoga instructor and believe it or not I never ever thought I would be doing what I am today.
Rewind 6 no 7 years ago and I was on benefits, had no job, just out of a messy relationship,actually lets keep it real it was toxic, verbally and a physically abusive relationship; feeling depressed, alone and invisible. Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognised the person looking back at you?
I never knew that when you become a mother you can lose yourself, the identity that makes you, you fades away and you are simply a mum; I was no longer Sarah, my needs didn’t matter, people didn’t seem to see me as me but as this childs mum. And there is nothing I could do about it, I chose to have a baby with a man who I knew full well didnt take care of the 2 kids he already had; so how can I be suprised that I end up doing it alone, a single mother, another statistic. I had to suck it up and get on with it. Eventually I realised this was a blessing in disguise & having my son most probably saved mine and his life. Now I thank God maybe not as often as I should; that he blessed me with my child, my struggles and my life, but we'll talk about all of that on another day.
While battling what I think was depression I made it a priority to get back into exercise and I think this was because it was the one thing in life I felt like I had total control over. If you want to have a child because you want to feel loved dont hold your breath because that baby needs you to give, give, give, give all the love you have rendered inside of you and when your heart is shattered and trust non exsistent finding that Love is a daily challenge.
I later learned my mental strength was even more important than the physical but hey one step at a time.
I want you to be able to use exercise as a tool instead of making it another chore you have to fit in, these bodies we have are very precious and until we can’t use a part or go through some kind of trauma we forget to realise how lucky we are to have them.
Don’t get me wrong I have days when I simply cant be bothered but It doesn’t stop me from going for a walk, using a lift instead of stairs or simply taking 5 minutes to stretch, meditate and recentre; that’s because it is part of my lifestyle now. Working out will become engrained in you if you simply make it a habit.
I believe we are all capable of achieving anything we want and if its a changed body your aiming for then you already have all you need, just take the first step and never stop.
I realised I’d have to become obsessed
When growing up I wanted to be a singer, a dancer or an actress, yes clients now it makes sense why Im so extra sometimes J I was happy with whatever came first but i remember in a magazine it said Victoria Beckham done a 1000 sit ups everyday! I sat there in shock because i had been attempting to do at least 100 2 times a week thinking this would give me a bloody six pack.
Then it hit me all these celebrities really make some sacrifices; although I wanted to be famous I began to ask myself would I really be ready to make those kind of sacrifices? Going to the gym daily, getting up at 4am to train, travelling all the time, rarely enjoying my own bed, working long hours, being away from all my home comforts, leaving my family behind to make strangers happy with my signature? Boi lets just say when I was younger and still till today my mum call me ‘Sleepy head’ cause I would happily stay in bed alllll day lol I swear I just loved sleeping; looking back I wonder if all that sleeping was the first sign on me trying to check out from the world.
I thought to myself for these celebs to give up so much to have their dream that there must have be more pushing them than your average Jo, as I continued to ponder it came to me ‘I need to become obsessed, I need to make this my life’ even though I was young let’s say maybe 13 I knew I shouldn’t be unhealthily obsessed but this goal needs to become my mission that I will complete no matter what comes my way. Now it did take me another 3 years to get my act together but mentally from that moment I became obsessed, I would imagine being slim, Pray to God to make my thighs toned and slender and help me get rid of my 4 rolled belly, i’d look at the clothes that would one day fit me, imagine how tight dresses would cling to me minus the lumps and bumps and began to feel a sense of ownership and accountability for achieving my goals.
I was basically using the Laws of Attraction and didn’t realise it. I sit here now as proof that what you think about comes to pass.
Now I can wear those belly tops i’d always wanted to own, I can shop in any store and know I will find my size, my thighs don’t rub together any more lol that’s a bit of a lie because there is no way I can go out in a skirt in summer without some baby powder between these thighs or a cut up pair a leggings ( they work great as shorts) I always envisioned myself as that mum on school run that looked fit and healthy and here I am.
I can truthfully say I love my body and all its flaws and just as truthfully say sometimes I still feel like a bloated heifer, I still have insecure moments and scold myself in the mirror but the difference is now ill scold myself for a few seconds instead of for days on end, now on a low day I can acknowledge that I’m simply bloated and I need to be great full that my body is fully functioning, when an outfit doesn’t fit right or I feel like nothing looks good on me I take a deep breath, remember this is not the end of the world; find something comfortable to wear and make sure my lips are extra glossy.
You don’t need to be perfect but you do need to accept that sacrifices have to be made, have patience and most importantly accept yourself for who you are. Do you really want to have a body like that celebrity which for you would mean going to the gym 6 days a week, missing out on social events cause your too tired or so restricted in your diet there’s no point,surgery, become a nightmare to live with because your craving real food and turning into an irritable shake drinking monster, do you want to limit yourself everyday of your life just to look like someone you don’t even know?
Tell yourself that you deserve to be a better version of you and believe with all your heart and soul that what seems impossible is surely possible, if so many other people can do it then why can’t you? And before negative nanny start talking shut her up take control back!
I deserve to be the best version of me
I believe with all my heart and soul that the impossible is possible
If they can do it so can I
Shut up negative nanny I AM IN CONTROL HERE
Skinny girl In a Fat girls body
I always joke with my friend that there’s still a fat girl inside me that would love to get out, but I have her firmly under lock and key because I’ve sweated, sacrificed and worked too damn hard to get this body. So I work diligently to keep that fat girl at bay. So when someone says to me ‘it’s easy for you look at your body’ I have to sometimes bluntly say ‘the only difference between me and you is that I started my journey a long time ago and stuck at it, where as you keep stopping and starting’ .
Some of you simply haven’t reached your goal yet because you haven’t even started the race, you have no plan to buy a water bottle let alone start warming up, if you had started walking 4 days a week for an hour every day 2 years ago and cut out all unhealthy snacks 6 days a week, drank more water daily, decided to replace your rice and pasta with veg and stopped binge drinking every weekend or whatever it may be; what do you think you would look today? Really think about.
Now back to reality it is not 2 years ago and you have a chance to start today so in 2 years time you can look back and see change or you can make a choice to wait for tomorrow which can unfortunately turn into a another 2 years worse yet 3 years 4 years 5 years.
It’s time for you to start acting like that skinny girl within (and no you don’t have to literally be skinny so let’s say the healthier girl) that healthy girl within you doesn’t want that doughnut, the healthier girl within you finds excuses to run up and down the office stairs, the healthier you knows that eating a whole pack of biscuits, half a tub of ice cream and mc donalds is not going to heal the pain, the healthier girl uses food to nourish not punish herself.
Take a minute to imagine you have this healthier version of you living within, what does she wear, how does she walk, where does she go for lunch, what would she order on a menu, how does she think, what does she do to have fun? Everything that comes to mind is what you have the potential to be.
I am thankful I made the changes then to enjoy life more now; you still have time to do the same so please stop waiting and start today!
IS YOUR PAST STILL PRESENT
When growing up my mother showed me an abundance of love through amazing tasting food, she was happy for us to eat and I’d be even happier asking for my 3rd and 4th portion of dinner.
Looking back the majority of the time I wasn’t hungry I simply enjoyed the taste so much I wanted more; plus my mum always cooked extra just in case someone would pop over. She loved to cook and loved to see people happy eating her food. So when I moved out at 16 and had a very tight budget and suddenly was responsible for all my food shopping I was forced to buy only the basics and eat controlled portions. I wonder if I stayed at home how much more weight I would have gained just because the food was always there.
I went from enjoying rich African cuisines every day to having pasta, tuna and sweet corn for my evening meals, breakfast would consist of either 2 pieces of toast or a small bowl of cereal instead of left over homemade apple crumble and custard, snacks were way too expensive so instead I binged on fruit and water. At the time I didn’t realise that just by eating the basics, having 3 square meals a day and staying busy so I didn’t have time to think about food was working to my benefit. My appetite slowly began to change and the cravings for a king size snickers started to fade; I actually began lying to myself that I was allergic to chocolate and nuts gave me spots, which conditioned my mind to believe it was true but this has led me to the conclusion also that your home and your parents can play a huge impact as to what habits you acquire.
I love my mum with all my being but as a parent she was responsible for what I put in my body, I do not blame her because as an adult I know she must have her own reasons as to why she enjoyed showing love in this way just like I had an issue as to why I would always overindulge; I strongly believe one of the reasons is because I knew I could make her happy by eating her delicious food. I was not an easy child to raise and clashed with my mum like no tomorrow but when I ate I was doing something right.
Have a think about your history with food and why and how you have developed some of the unhealthy habits you have today, I believe once you are clear on why you do something it is a lot easier to find reasons and ways to stop.
What small action could you take today to help you tomorrow? Maybe its time to throw out the snacks or cancel that meeting with a fellow food lover, could you simply go for a walk this evening or even take the plunge and book yourself into a fitness class? Whatever it may be make the change and you will see the results but ONLY if you stick to it and make it a new habit!
Good luck on your journey and stay positive, you can achieve anything you set your mind too so stop making excuses, forgive yourself for the mistakes and start over.
MAY THE HAPPY FORCE BE WITH YOU
Force the happy feeling
Today had the potential to be pretty upsetting one plus the pill is messing with my cycle but I made a conscious decision to have a good day no matter how i felt, I literally had to do a count down in my head to get out of bed 10 errrrr i don’t wanna move 9, 8, come on,7,5,4,are you going to be a miserable mummy or a happy one3, 2, 1 im up.
I somehow got through the day without crying, having a meltdown, overreacting or starting a pity party club in my mind or over the phone. The thoughts did come ‘What am I going to do?’ Then i quickly replaced it with ‘Nothing in my life goes wrong’ , ‘but what will people think?’, ‘I live my life the best I can with what I know’ 'im so stupid', 'there is a higher power in control, dont waste time worrying' and little by little that heavy feeling on my chest began to feel lighter as the hours went by. I prepared a lovely meal to share with my son and took time to be grateful that I have been blessed to experience being a mother, single or not I have this amazing, handsome 8 year old boy who couldn’t even talk, started of so small and innocent; all he needed was love and booby milk :-) and now he’s so independent, smart, kind and still so innocent.
There’s a lot I could learn from him; if he’s upset something as little as being tickled can make it all ok and he’s over it; ready to play on his tablet and talk about trains. He is able let go so easily and doesn’t mention it again, once a problem has been resolved he is happy.
Its true when you focus on the good Good shows its self but you need to look and be fully aware not stuck on your phone scrolling or gossiping about others.
Take a good look around you and I know you can easily count 10 things that you are happy you have in your life.
Everything has a way of sorting itself out so like me take a Extra deep breath look at the ones closest to you and smile even if its forced; I know somewhere out there is a mother who wishes they could hold their child but for whatever reason may never get the chance again. Let’s not wait till we lose what is most precious to us for us to appreciate the simple things we have already even on those potential bad days.
KEEP PUSHING & FORCE THE HAPPY
I Still need time to grow
One thing know one told me before I lost weight was that i'd still have days when I would feel like im back in my old body!
Somebody made a few comments to me a few days ago about how my body has changed throughout the years since I’ve lost weight, they didn’t say anything negative per sae but made a point to say my body looked different and they could tell that I’ve gotten comfortable with my training along with a few other words of wisdom, in my head I thought; 'hell yeah I’ve got comfortable I love my body and maintain it well’ but I found myself making excuses to them ‘I just want to have a body that’s easy to maintain, plus I train other people throughout the day so I’m tired, I don’t think my bodies changed that much!’ throughout the conversation I just tried to brush it of but as the days passed I couldn’t help but find myself replaying what was said to me by this person and questioning myself.
I wish in hindsight I stood my ground didn’t care what was said and let go,( matter a fact my first thought was why didn’t I just take digs at every part of that person’s body that isn’t up to scratch but deep down that’s not me I never want to be mean just to make myself feel better that’s what bullies do) but I guess the fat girl with little confidence was holding on to every word and wasn’t ready to let go, instead of beating myself up though I wondered what I could learn, how can I make this positive? and what came to me is that confidence is a lifetime class. If you don’t pour enough into yourself it’s very easy for others to soak it up with their un asked for commentary; actually even change of lifestyle could do that too because becoming a mum definitely knocked a chunk of my confidence blocks.
I genuinely am happy in my skin , Ive always been a naturist at heart so seeing my bare body in the mirror makes me feel proud with scars & all, I sit down and my stomach still has rolls and I’m ok with that because I know its normal, my breasts changed after child birth and I learned to love them for the new teeny weenys that they are J I also accept that some days I simply won’t feel as confident as I did the day before, I will at times question whether I’m pretty enough, slim enough, young enough and if I’m even doing the right things in life, i'll wonder if I’m giving enough, taking enough even being happy enough. Thinking all those thoughts doesnt mean its the end! its ok because I’m human and I am here to experience, learn and love; it doesn’t mean everyday im going to feel like a Positive Motivational Fitness Princess ready to save the world, some days I just have to let life take its course and ride it out till I’m back to feeling like a Positive Motivational Fitness Princess again riding my unicorn/ Golf through London haha I’m not crazy its the drama in me! But on a serious note I’m still learning not to be too hard on myself and simply do the best I can today; to help me tomorrow. I’m going to take time to get to know me a bit more and keep taking little steps to continue building on my confidence.
Is it time for you to do the same? Do you have someone who likes to offer un asked for commentary? How can you use these situations as a push forward instead of a pull back? Are you as confident as you think and if not what areas are you going to start working on first?
Affirmation of the day "Nothing is never as bad as you think so why worry"